On the Lighter Side

Positive Thinking

Doctor: Your liver is enlarged. Patient: Does that mean it has space for more whisky? (This is called “Positive thinking”)

Lady to her dietician: What I am worried about is my height and not my weight. Doc: How come??? Lady: According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet… (Now this is called “Positive attitude”)

A man wrote to SBI. “My cheque was returned with remark “Insufficient funds”. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank.” (This is self confidence in its peak)

This one is classic!! A cockroach’s last words to a man who wanted to kill it: “Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You’re just jealous because I can scare your wife and you cannot…!!!!

Inter-Religion Integration Seminar

I went to an Inter-Religion Integration Seminar. The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!” I smiled and told him I was not paralysed. The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today! He was not amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me. The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!” I politely told him, “There’s nothing wrong with me.” The Hindu Sadhu came and said, “Son, you will walk on your legs today.” I said “Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs.” The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!” I had to tell him there was nothing wrong with me. After the seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen. I believe in all religions now…

We Want It Back

A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California. The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?” One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, “We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s.” The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, “Just the four of you?” The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The rest are already there!”